Fuming in Mojacar

Dear Carmen,

My roommate keeps borrowing my stuff without asking. I find this very annoying, especially if it’s my gold Rolex or the keys to my Porsche convertible (which happens to be my lucky car). I don’t want to seem uptight but how can I stop him?

Fuming in Mojacar

Dear Fuming,

You have all this stuff and you can’t afford to live on your own? Are you a burglar? If so write again with your personal address and I will reply privately, as I know several excellent fences.

If you’re not a burglar and just crazy rich but can’t live alone, I know a lot of women ranging from normal to very attractive who are in lack of money but need to be with someone crazy rich and willing to spend it all on them.

Sounds like an ideal arrangement: you have a new roommate who will appreciate you and I can guarantee she will use your credit card more than your Rolex or lucky Porsche. How many cars do you even have? I think you know deep down it’s time to move on and move out. Spread your wings and see what life can offer you. Good luck!

xoxo Carmen

If you want to write to Carmen yourself as well, please mail to dearcarmen@ultimatealmeria.com.

Photo by Mauro Lima