Sparkless in Los Gallardos

Dear Carmen,

My husband and I have been married for 23 years and we have the age-old issue of losing our ‘spark’ for each other. Sometimes I think I am ok with this as we love each other but then I do still feel the need and though he is quiet I assume he must do too.

Sparkless in Los Gallardos

Thank you for being brave and coming forward with your dilemma, these things rarely are easy to talk about and certainly not with the people we love the most, especially those in question! It can also be the sign that there may be an underlying communication issue in which case it’s worth exploring if both of your emotional needs are being met. Particularly with us women we can be reserved in the physical department if we don’t feel connection which in turn widens that separation gap further. Is there something you may be able to do together, a shared interest as a ground for a little bonding. Sometimes it all starts from a laugh and hand holding, which I appreciate after 23 years is likely tough. Start from the very beginning with conversation, intimacy, and work from there on rebuilding your connection. Also, without trying to sound cliché try to look for all the good in him, why you love him and all the things you appreciate. Try not to get caught up worrying about a “lack” of anything. I can assure you; you won’t be alone on this one. If you feel it runs deeper it may be worth checking any potential libido related issues and discussing with your GP.

xoxo Carmen

If you want to write to Carmen yourself as well, please mail to dearcarmen@ultimatealmeria.com.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema